Random Tuesday Thoughts: The Webs We Weave

You know…when first we practice to deceive….

Here are some of my favorite webs of deception

“The kids just did NOT nap today”…. An oldie but goodie…makes an incredible cover story for my lack of any type of housework being done…and no blog posts to show….so in other words…twitter time and reading blogs.

“Daddy Dash” … kind of ties into the previous web of deception.  About 1/2 hour before DH heads home from work I start rushing around the house to tidy up…get dinner started…oh…get dressed… all to create the appearance of a well put together household…to give the impression that I’ve been slaving away all day…. OR .. I’ve been playing on the computer/napping and can’t fess up.

“Oh THOSE crumbs….Lilli was eating a cookie while I held her earlier”… OR… I spilled on myself AGAIN and the crumbs got stuck in my boobs…you know, whatever.

“I shared those brownies with (insert rotating friends’ name here) because they stopped by”… OR… I binged on brownies…thought if I didn’t eat them ALL you would know how many I really ate…

Peni Update: This will be my last peni update.  As it turns out…what I at first found to be cute, baffling and entertaining has turned into drudgery and pure nature…I get the same stuff day after day and HE still finds it funny…. so does his dad…which leads me to believe it will be more of the same for the next…forever.

We have been in big boy undies day AND night (the kicker) for 6 days now…and clean and dry the entire time.  I’m so proud…and so GRATEFUL to the gods and goddesses who watch over my diaper/ladden children.  One more butt I don’t have to change…

For more truly random thoughts from the Queen of Fabulous…visit Keely at The UnMom ….

Random Tuesday Thougts: Nursing the Storm

So proud of myself this week as I was organized enough to get MOST posts written and scheduled before the week began. Totally forgot my RTT.

So here I sit (okay, I’m actually lying in bed) at 3:30am writing whatever randomness comes to me because we are having a giant thunderstorm that I can’t manage to sleep through.

I’m writing this on my iPhone. I find this both ludicrous and tantilizing at the same time. I DO wish I hadn’t run down my battery earlier playing that stupid Snoozle game.

I don’t usually play games on my phone. I’d go so far as to say I NEVER play games on my phone, that is sort of Eric’s forte and it generally annoys me.
Last week when I was at the OB I was looking for grocery list apps (suggestions anyone?) while I waited. Doc came in and asked what I was doing, when I told him searching for apps he whips out his phone and says “Oh! You’ve got to get Snoozle! The kids will love it, we have tournaments at my house. It’s addicting!”. All while he is showing me how to play the game.

The kids DO love the game. So do I, unfortunately. Thank you, Dr. M for introducing me to another time drain. As the person set to deliver my THIRD child under the age of four I would have hoped you would have shown a little more foresight on that one.

I bet his wife wouldn’t have shown me that.

I think my bedroom is the loudest room in the house during a storm. I always wake up like this. Generally I have to lie here and go through my mental checklist: car windows up? Toys in the house? Important electrical devices unplugged? Then I have to check the weather on my phone to make sure there is nothing overtly severe to worry about… I’ve already done all of that. Good thing it’s RTT, what else would I do? Tweet? Play Snoozle?

I’m hungry. I’ve been ravishingly hungry for two days now. I went away to BlogHer thinking that would be the end of nursing for my 19mo. When I came home she still wanted to nurse and it brought my milk back in full force. Now she wants to nurse all the time because she is actually getting milk, not sure there was much before. So now I’m starving all the time.

She must have heard me THINKING the word milk, I am no longer the only one awake. I’m guessing she will want to climb into bed with me and nurse. I should get a snack first.

For some good random thoughts that are truley entertaining and fabulous visit Keely at The Unmom. She is luscious. Be sure to leave your link so I can visit you, too… I need some more random in my life.

Random Tuesday Thoughts

It has been a full week since I posted anything.  ANYTHING.  Good grief.  I was so overwhelmed with getting to BlogHer…and then taking in every single minute of BlogHer…and then recovering from BlogHer…. now its back to the norm I suppose.

I’m not feeling very random.  In fact…I’m feeling very mundane.  I have no inspiration to write…a giant sinus infection rages in my  head and I just want to sleep.

My kids got ONE bath the entire time I was at BlogHer.  I left Wed morning and returned Sunday night.  ONE bath.

My belly grew like 2 inches while I was in Chicago as well…no one told me.  I came home and put a shirt on…one that I wear on a regular basis…and it crawled up my front.

Lilli had no need for nursing when I returned.  I didn’t leak a drop the entire time I was gone.  Monday morning she crawled into bed with me and wanted to nurse (giant grins)…and milk magically appeared for her.  I guess I will be nursing two babies…I’m okay with this.  I don’t want her to stop before she is ready…and its our special time.  Ask me if I still think its a good idea about the middle of October.

My husband taught himself how to do piggy tails in Lilli’s hair while I was gone.  Super adorable to me that he did that…and he does it well.  Despite the super messy house and loads of laundry that I returned to…my kids had a fabulous time with him … having some one on one Daddy time…and he was thrilled to have them to himself for a while as well.

I think I will cut coupons and make lists today.  I need to make hubs a “Before Baby List” …since he has 9 weeks left to get it all done. LOL

For some reading that is actually entertaining…head on over and read KEELY at the UnMom …she is stellar and superb and absolutely luscious.

Random Tuesday Thoughts: BlogHer Edition

Tuesday sure comes around awfully quickly each week.  My head is so wrapped around trying to plan menus for my family while I’m in Chicago…doing everyone’s laundry…cleaning the house.  Maybe by Tuesday night I’ll get to start making plans for BlogHer.

Here is what I DO know:  I will be in Chicago for 5 days, 4 nights.  EA is sponsoring the Wii Mommies for this fabulous conference.  This means I have FOUR FULL DAYS of:

*  Showers.  Every. Single. Day.  Without worrying about everyone being tied down or otherwise occupied.

* No dogs.  NONE.  No dog hair to vacuum up twice a day…or clicking toenails on the hard wood floor.

* No Disney Channel.  No Nickelodeon.

* No dishes to clean up at the end of the day when I’m exhausted.

*Bras.  REAL Bras.  Not nursing ones.  Thank you @HanesComfort!

*A LIMO, not a minivan, will be picking me up and taking me to the airport.

But on the other hand:

*No little voices singing They Might Be Giants: Here Come the ABC’s in the backseat wherever we go.

*No snuggling and nursing in bed in the morning…maybe every again with Lilli.

*No “Mommy, you BEAUTIFUL” four or five times a day.

*No little voices giggling and squealing as they play through the afternoon.

I guess it balances out.  This is the first time in 4 years that I will be alone.  ALONE.  And this is the single longest time I’ve been without my kids…and equals a trip my hubby took on his own earlier this year for the most time I’ve been away from him since we got married.  With the baby arriving in October…it is the last time I will be alone for a very long time again.  I’m already missing my family!

I got some great suggestions last week on how to mess with the kids’ rooms when I get home.  Eric actually talked to some friends of ours who are GIVING us a set of bunkbeds that matches the furniture that we have.  I’m feeling optimistic and lucky.

I started taking zoloft.  I know it is a little controversial in third trimester in particular…but my family and I are miserable….I feel like I have post partum depression…and I’m certainly not post partum yet.  I’m watching myself react like a crazy lady to almost everything (bet you can’t wait to meet me at BlogHer!! LOL)

Remember a couple of weeks ago I said that I KNOW my due date is Oct 6 …not October 16?  I’m right.  Completely right.  Had another sonogram on Friday and the tech put in no dates…just took measurments and the date that she came up with was Oct 6 on the NOSE.  She also looked back at last sono and said it was consistant with that date as well.  I didn’t get to see my OB but if I can convince him that this is the date to go with…I still have a shot at delivering this baby on October 1 which was my dad’s birthday.  It also means that I am actually 29 weeks pregnant now instead of 27.  WOO HOO!

We have to come up with a name so we don’t keep calling him “this baby”.

I’m done.  I need to go forth and switch over the laundry.  For some great random thoughts that will rock your casbah… visit Keely at The UnMom.  She is fabulrific.  If you are feeling random today…leave your linky below.  I’ll return your comment…it might not be until I’m safely on my way to Chicago

Random Tuesday Thoughts: Anxiety

There are 2.5mos, give or take…until this new baby arrives in our life.  This just occurred to me.  Like…this weekend.

We are celebrating half birthdays in our household…Lilli’s birthday is the day after Christmas and B’s is a couple of weeks later…so we are doing birthday parties in the summer.  Brendan’s is this weekend.  I have no idea what I’m doing.  I hope some kids show up.  I have to make cupcakes…cool ones…and sandwiches that look like animals.

Just moved Lilli into her big girl bed…took the side off of the crib, really…so today she tore her room apart during naptime and taught herself to open doors.  Excellent.  I have to get her to stay in bed before I leave for BlogHer.

When I return from BlogHer we are buying bunk beds and redecorating the kids’ rooms…well…Lilli’s room…to accomodate both kids.  Any thoughts on how to decorate a room for both a boy and a girl…let me know.

BlogHer is in a week. A WEEK.  This is awesome.  I’m so excited…and I’m so nervous.  Not of the usual “I can’t remember people’s names…I don’t have anything to wear” kind of way…but in a “Damn I’m super freaking pregnant what the hell was I thinking” kind of way.  My OB is sending me with records and a doc recommendation for Chicago.  2 of my last three trips to Chicago I have wound up in the emergency room with female issues.  This doesn’t bode well….

My husband took me shopping for clothes…because I need them…but NOW because its time for BlogHer.  The poor man existed through two days of me dragging him around, crying about my shape and lashing out at his every comment.  Good man.

My husband is suffering through me having horrible, uncontrollable mood swings that end in me screaming and yelling and picking fights when I’m really upset with myself.  Poor man.

My husband doesn’t take these episodes well…or with a grain of salt…and lashes back instead of just dealing with his preggo wife who is staying home with two obnoxious (all be it cute and adorable) toddlers all day.  Idiot.

I haven’t registered my son for any kind of preschool.  There are waiting lists around here.  I should have done it like 6 months ago…but I didn’t.  Now we are both screwed.  The kid needs more friends and I need more space to deal with the other two.

There is a blogger whom I believe to be an incredible wife and mother…one who always seems to have her act together and is supermommy.  She is having a horrible time with the addition of her third…and her kids are spaced like mine.  I’m terrified.

I need to do something cute for my two existing children to commemorate the birth of their baby brother…but I have no idea what to do.  I get the feeling I should have been working on this a long time ago.

I’m trying to knit a “something” for each of the three babies arriving in our family this fall…my own son and my two nieces.  I started a swatch on one of the sweaters.  LOL.  I also have to knit a new “ebink” for Brendan as he is slowly but surely unraveling the one my grandmother knit him when he was born…and he freaks if he has to give it up long enough to wash it.  If it completely falls apart we will be SOL.

There is no Peni Update this week…we have more excellent Vag News as the case may be…Lilli has been dragging us into the bathroom to let her sit on the toilet and wipe every time she pees…but its always AFTER she pees or poops.  Today she actually got in there before it happened and peed in the big girl potty.  Amazing.  Pure luck…but amazing.  The look on her face was priceless as she realized she was doing it…she had a look of shock and awe as she heard the little tinkle.

There is nothing sweeter than the sound of little voices trying to sing along to the radio…or whatever.  B “almost” knows about one quarter of the words to any given cd we have…and sort of hums through the rest of them and it is such a cute sound.  Lil just imitates the basic sounds.  And they sing loud and proud.

My sister is visiting at the end of August…she is one month less pregnant with me…with her first baby.  She and her husband are staying for a week which is incredible and awesome.  I am throwing a baby shower for her at that point…at my house.  Do the math: Due Oct 16 (or 6th depending on who you believe)…Hosting baby shower for loads of adults and up to 16 kids August 29th.  EXCELLENT!  But its my baby sister and I will love almost every minute of it.

My house is a mess, I’m tired, I’m trying desperately not to gain any more weight right now, and I decide NOW to start realizing all of these things.  If I’m going to have denial…why can’t it last until the kid arrives??

For some less stressful…and undoubtedly shorter Random Thoughts this Tuesday… go and visit Keely at The UnMom.  She is super fantastic and amazingly cool. Then you can leave your own random linky below.

Random Tuesday Thoughts: Spray On Panties

I have spray on panties. Forever, I’m afraid. Apparently when you let your spray on tan “set” …it does, in deed, come off on your clothes. They say it washes out…we’ll see. I’m guessing that if I continue down the path of the spray on tan…I will have to make sure I wear the same undies every time…so as to avoid turning all of them brown. It’s interesting. And gross.

I also had to actually clean my nipples before I breastfed Lilli….and stuff came off…and I was grossed out. I have spray on nipples. I could continue…but you get the point.

Peni Update: This week we discovered the scrotum. Asking what it is called, what it is does….B was told by his dad “It will do LOTS of important stuff for you when you get big…now its kind of pointless” … B said “But I big boy NOW! I want it to do stuff NOW!”… And so it goes.

This new blog space is sort of blowing my mind…isn’t it amazing?  My friend Julie at Momspective did the whole thing…from the ground up … with some help from her amazing husband who has never met me but apparently loves Julie enough to put himself through this for me.  Check out the post I wrote about the new look and my new outlook on blogging…if you have the time…or want to kill some time…or whatever.

For some truly fabulous random thoughts, visit Keely at The UnMom.

Random Tuesday Thoughts: Television Personalities

For quite some time now I’ve been struggling with my feelings about a certain handyman in our life….Handy Manny, to be exact.

My kids love this show…they watch it almost daily (yeah, that’s right…daily). It is a good show, well written, teaches values, blah blah blah.

All I can think of when I watch this show…is that those tools are really creepy…and wouldn’t it be funny if they were distinct splits in this crazy man’s personality? Like..maybe this weirdo guy walks all around SheetRock Hills pretending to fix stuff…and everyone is really nice to him and talks to his “Tools” … its really him breaking stuff instead of his clumsy tools and everyone is just afraid to set him off.

I’m really kind of obsessed with this notion. I can’t watch the show without thinking of the alternate universe possibility.

I also spend some time watching soap operas that I DVR… and I’m extremely irritated as of late with the “moms” on the show who go stroller walking together…and as they walk off down the street in their fancy clothes they have these high heels on… as if.

My husband says I get way to wrapped up in television..he says “THIS is what you think of when you watch this?” Yeah, it really is.

It occurs to me that with the impending arrival of our third baby…there is another stark reality… I’m pretty sure this time no one is coming. Like…I was thinking today how when I was pregnant with Lilli and Brendan was 18mo crying my eyes out because I was overwhelmed (really? with one kid?)…and my mom coming up to help me out for the day. I’m very aware that this time around there is no one coming to my rescue. My sister is pregnant with her first…and my SIL is pregnant with their second…I’m having to admit to myself that third is nothin’ but old hat. *sigh*

Amazingly enough, I have no peni update this week. He has managed to “keep it in his pants” so to speak…now dad…that’s another story….I’ll keep it to myself.

For some truly fabulous Random Tuesday Thoughts…head on over and visit SuperKeely at The UnMom. She is cool.

Random Tuesday Thoughts

Another week has slipped through my fingers…and yet this pregnancy is take FOR-EV-ER. I have decided that this baby is NOT due on October 16 as declared by the doctors…but will remain with the belief that it is due Oct 6 …which means if I can convince my doctor of this we will be able to get him here by October 1. Deal?

I don’t watch Jon and Kate + 8. Never really have. My husband, for some reason is intrigued by this madness. He never gets into this kind of thing…its slightly mystifying. He decided the show should be renamed “Kate Minus Jon Plus 8″.

As a regular feature to my RTT I’m including peni updates from my 3yo. He is intrigued by his…and I, in turn am intrigued by his fascination….so without further ado:
PENI UPDATE: The greatest peni news in our household and Brendan’s world this week is the addition of yet another peni. He is fascinated with the Eiffle Tower sono pic we received declaring to all the world that our newest addition will be a boy. He has also decided that the weirdo outing of my bellybutton is the baby’s butt sticking out. Nice.

This week two people whom I love dearly are having surgeries that are kinda scary. My Aunt Tina whom I love to pieces and who takes care of me like I’m 5 whenever I need her to… told me on Sunday that she has cancer and is having surgery on Wednesday to remove her remaining thyroid. My friend Julie is having a hysterectomy on Thursday…and we hope that is all that has to be done. I have zero control over anything that happens to them….and it freaks my shit out.

I strongly dislike uninvited porn. It was on Twitter tonight and I’m not thrilled about it. Don’t get me wrong…I got nothin’ against porn…but suddenly in my face (so to speak) and uninvited irritates me. Then it showed up every other post or so. I had to stop with Twitter for the night.

Someone just posted a recipe for Cake Balls. They look yummy…divine, actually…but all I can think of is SNL “Pete’s Schwetty Balls”.

A bottle of Lysol leaked in my minivan. It stinks…and its hot and humid…so it stinks even more. There is a little white stain where it spilled …any thoughts on getting it out? Shall I just soak it with water?

I don’t know where this came from…I saw it on Twitter and I love it… “Silence is Golden but Duct Tape is Silver” ….. perfect. PERFECT!

That’s it folks. It is officially Tuesday…and these are rather random. To read some SUPERBLY gratifying randomness you should check out Keely at The UnMom.

If you are random…leave your linky below so I can revel in it.

Random Tuesday Thoughts

Not really the point of RANDOM…but this is a do-over. I tried to write this last night after being super dosed up on benedryl…it was a small disaster so I gave up.

We had the biggest thunderstorms I can remember in a looong time last night…all through the night. I woke up at one point (in my groggy state) and thought about getting an inflatable life raft. The house was shaking…the glass(es)…on my nightstand were rattling…it was crazy. Everyone in my family slept through it. Including the dogs…because I gave them benedryl too.

Part of the reason I didn’t write my RTT earlier was that my internet was out. I’m good with storms except when I can’t “follow” them so I was really freaked out and cursing the technology Gods.

Except my internet didn’t go out. I apparently unplugged it. Stellar. At least I figured it out before I had to ask Eric for help.

We found out the sex of our baby….but I’m not going to tell you. I think I’ll post it on Wednesday. And because I’m a little bit number hungry…I’m going to post a link on Facebook and make all of my friends visit over here to find out what it is…So check back tomorrow!!

As interest in the peni has not died down around here…thought I would add a weekly feature to my RTT…”Peni Updates” so here is goes:

Peni Update for the week of 6/15: Newest obsession of 3yo DS is to sneak around the corner, buns first, into the living room after going potty. He then jumps to turn around, grabs his balls and points the little thing at me yelling “MOM! MOM! My peni is starin’ at you!!” Its getting a little out of control.

I’m wondering if there is a fine line between being a fantastic couponer and being an addict. I’ve been contemplating a Netbook for BlogHer and other trips I take (I’m intrigued by the new 3G aspect and the many family memebers I visit with no WiFi) and remembering how heavy my laptop was when I lugged it through numerous airports visiting my sister earlier this year…(how ridiculous is that? Complaining about the weight of a laptop? We are a spoiled society…or at least I am)..I had mostly convinced myself that was a gadget I didn’t need…I’m a STAY AT HOME MOM… and then Sarah at BassAckwards and Frugal started putting on the peer pressure….and THEN…I realized that it would be yet another computer on which to print the most stellar of printable coupons. Seriously…that is its biggest selling point.

Now I am off to do some shopping while my kids play and act a fool at camp. For some truly Random BRILLIANCE be sure to visit Keely, the coolest UnMom I know.

Be sure to leave your linky below…if you are a participant in Random Tuesday Thoughts. Please make sure that your link goes straight to your post…we all appreciate it when everyone plays along

Random Tuesday Thoughts: Horrible Mother

We took the kids to “Day Out with Thomas the Train” in a nearby town…it was a 4 hour adventure on the “Island of Sodor” … a train ride being the main attraction….lots of kids screaming and crying and lots of parents trying to convince them they were having fun.

My kids were in AWE…had a great time… we played on the games…the bouncy castles…you know those giant inflatable toys that kids throw themselves around in….effectively a padded room that doesn’t involve guilt or years of therapy to recover from… we actually purchased one of these two years ago at Walmart… absolute BEST $200 I have spent on kid-type toys or activities….GOOD investment… I digress…

They had a HUGE one with a slide that my 3yo tackled immediately…and a smaller one that is larger than our home version…but small enough that my 1.5yo still wanted to jump on in.

There were bigger kids in it as well…and I waited for the largest of the large to get out before I threw her in… but I still got screamed at by some psychotic, nosy woman.

Lilli may only be 1.5yo but she has been holding her own and kicking some ass since she was in my belly. This is a rough and tumble girl who takes pride in her rambunctious abilities.

She is in there bouncing around…a few parents are reminding their kids to watch out for the little girl… and some woman with an accent comes screaming up to the high school aged kid manning the door “GET THAT BABY OUT OF THERE!!! SHE IS GOING TO GET VERY HURT!” … honestly..my first reaction was a non-reaction…because it didn’t even occur to me that she was talking about my daughter. When she kept yelling at the kid..and I realized it was Lilli she was talking about I was grateful that someone would take interest and be concerned… so I say something similar to “Oh thank you..that’s my daughter and she is ok” …

At which point this well meaning, good citizen starts hollering at me about endangering my child. I say “I am her mother…and I know what she is capable of. She. Is. Fine.” …at which point the woman tells me “Well then you are a HORRIBLE mother and I feel sorry for that beautiful little girl!”…

I need to curse now: Bitch.

I used to sell vibrators for a living. I have a plastic tupperware chest of drawers full of excess inventory that I need to sell. I never thought I would be sick of messing with sex toys.

I have a friend who is so dear to me…and I can’t do shit for her right now…and that blows monkey balls. I need some dirty jokes to send her. Email me if you know some good ones.

My brother sent me an article from the New York Times that can be read HERE … and I am baffled. Child pornography on his computer and the man’s name is actually Sodomsky.

This baby in my belly pulled a switcheroo on me and I am NOT happy…started off all calm and relaxed like….the way my more laid back 3yo was… and now is suddenly a manic flipper,kicker type of baby that is attacking me from the inside out…at all hours of the day…just like its sister…who was the same way then…and now. …the chic can’t sit still (see above).

I remember now one of the things I strongly dislike about pregnancy…pee. I smell pee all the time…I think I might leak just a tiny bit. Gross. Add to that a 3yo son, 3 old and semi-incontinent dogs and pee encompasses my life.

The stain of pregnancy has descended upon me as well… all of my shirts have a stain…of some sort…in the same spot. My normal clothes don’t get this stain…only when I’m pregnant.

That’s it. I’m out. Tuesdays are my new day of freedom…two kids in “class” at the gymnastics academy for 3 hours. “Class” in quotations because I don’t have to be there like a parent participation class. B calls it that..they call if “Mommy’s Morning Out” and “Mini-Munchkin Camp” …I call it “Heaven on Earth”.

Want to read some fabulous Random Tuesday Thoughts from the greatest random writer since sliced bread? Visit Keely at The UnMom …she is FABULOUS.

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